You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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