I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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