glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
