i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
