well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
