I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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