I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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