She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
