Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
