i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
