So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
