I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
