So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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