please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
