He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
