Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
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