If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
