the condom got lost in my hair
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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