its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
