My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
