If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
