you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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