Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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