it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
