You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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