Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
