it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
