I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
