And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
