The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm passing your future prison.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
