I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
