Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
