Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
