Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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