i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
