3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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