At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
