I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
