I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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