You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
