You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're like the curious george of whores
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
