How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
