dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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