Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
