well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
