The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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