HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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