There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
