Where did you get a picture of my penis
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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