your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
