dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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