Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
