Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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